i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
