Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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