i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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