dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
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It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
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