"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
