And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
