I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
