Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
