You smell like stripper and shame
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I need a burrito and a hug.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
