i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
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I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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