I'm lost and stupid without you.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
50% drunk capacity currently
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
