She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
It's rum buckets o'clock
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
