I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
