Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
