I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
