I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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