**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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