And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
