If i come over, it means nothing
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
