she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Randomize
