So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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