DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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