saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
