Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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