The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
