All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
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Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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