I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
