I wanna bring you to show and tell
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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