I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
