If i come over, it means nothing
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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