i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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