is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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