How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
