i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
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