Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
