I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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