Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
