fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
