I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
