Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
