hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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