Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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