god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
