I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
