This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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