I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
