i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
