Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
