in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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