Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
