What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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