Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
