3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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