Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
