Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
