Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
