last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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