So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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