we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
