I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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