bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
