Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize