I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
