And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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