Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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