There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
