I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize