whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Randomize
