If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
