smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
