she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize