Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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