Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I just had sex on a roof
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
