Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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