at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
