There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
